Marche Breaks

Urbino unwind: Tense, tired or troubled? A novel holistic retreat in Italy's Le Marche region should help you de-stress.

‘If you do this for five minutes every day, you’ll be much better off,’ says our teacher, John. We are hitting ourselves in what appears to be a spaceship.

Welcome to the first ever ‘F*** It All’ week, a retreat holiday for those who have previously attended one of the ever popular F*** It weeks and want to dig deeper or, for newcomers like me, are just being thrown into the deeper end of learning to let go of stress.

Get away: The retreat, in the Le Marche region of Italy, combines relaxation and meditation with the chance to socialise and explore the area

.Retreat owners John and his wife, Gaia, escaped their London life to set up this holistic slice of heaven in the region of Le Marche six years ago. ‘What impressed us was how beautiful, wild and secret it felt – quite untouched and distanced from the tourist trail,’ says Gaia. ‘It is as beautiful as Tuscany but not as well known. As we explored the areas around Urbino, we immediately got the feeling we were in the right place.’

Back to the geodesic dome. We are shaking our arms as a part of qigong, a Chinese meditative practice that works with the energy in our bodies. We’ve done more than just hit ourselves, though. We’ve stood still with our eyes closed, danced with our eyes closed, breathed deeply with our eyes closed and now it’s time for the ultimate: shaking our limbs, hitting ourselves and dancing with our eyes closed. I try to hide a smile as I peek at those around me. At the same time, I can’t help but feel liberated as I throw myself around.

Dome class

.The easy-going life here is unlike most retreats. There’s no early morning chanting and little routine bar meal times, which consists of fresh vegetarian cuisine, and the two (non-compulsory) classes each day (except for Monday for a day out or more relaxing if you wish).

But what really enhances the experience is that neither the small team running it nor the guests take it all that seriously. We do a lot of laughing and one afternoon it’s hard to stop. ‘Settle down, man,’ David tells me in his broad Geordie accent. ‘You’ve got the giggles.’

Whoever knew downing tiny cups of green tea could make you feel as drunk as a couple of sips of bucks fizz at New Year when you were nine-years-old? Then again, this isn’t ordinary tea. Gaia uses some of the rarest, most expensive and highest-quality tea from China. A couple of ladies opposite are shedding tears from laughing so much. After eating some of the tea leaves, we conclude the ceremony on Guan Yin Wang, an oolong tea that has ‘more heart and centres you’.

However, the next day, I am anything but centred. In fact, I’m a bit lost. I’m running late for a bio-energetic full-body massage that should unblock my energy system, leaving me relaxed, more balanced and clearer in myself. Charging through several nettles off the beaten track as the bugs buzz around my ears, I stifle expletives upon finally spotting my masseuse, Margherita, standing outside her wood cabin. I say how sorry I am for being late but she seems more concerned about stripping me down to my pants.

I lie face down and close my eyes, as the room fills with a medley of intoxicating oils, from lavender to rosemary to carnation. Half an hour later, Margherita asks me to turn on to my back. As my boobs flop to my sides, I open my eyes momentarily before closing them again, concentrating on staying happy and relaxed in this serene, sleepy state for as long as possible. So what if someone walks past and gets an unexpected eyeful? F*** it, it’s all been worth it.

Sophie flew to Venice with easyJet (www.easyJet.com). Prices for a one-way ticket start from £29.99. Prices for a F*** It All/F*** It Week at The Hill That Breathes (www.thehillthatbreathes.com) start at €895. Rooms start at €75 for the week.